Colposcopy is a synonym for a deadly experience

(tw: blood mention, sexual history, slut shaming)

So, I went to my oncology appointment yesterday. I figured it would be relatively easy to find the office but, it turns out I went to the wrong place FOUR times. I finally get to the office and fill out the forms. An adorable nurse came in to take me back to the exam room and I do the basic intake with her. I figured it wouldn’t take too long for the doctor to come in… 45 freaking minutes have passed before this hotty of a doctor came in. Looking like a sexy generic version of William Levy. Maybe I just saw him as that way because of that sexy Spanish accent and those piercing green eyes.

I was mortified to find out that HE was the one who was gonna be looking at my lady bits. Not just at it, but IN it. Luckily, he was super nice and tried to be as gentle as possible. He used to smallest speculum he had but, it was metal so I screamed. I never knew something could hurt so badly, like I just wanted to cry. He quickly removed it and told me to act like the lower part of my butt is melting into the table. Oh? So you have a vagina, bro? You gonna tell me to relax as you are putting a metal instrument in my hoo-ha?

So, he put it in and kept trying to check on me quite often and asked if I was okay. I felt so dizzy and just tried to pace my breathing. He put the solution in to see any suspicious areas and had a doctor come in for a second opinion. The doctor comes in and takes a second look and informs me they are gonna take a biopsy of two spots. She is trying to converse with me as I am trying my best to stay conscious and not pass out as I can feel it harder to focus. First, she asks me what school I go to and what do I study. She then told me that means I am smart.

I thought it was all going well until she said “I see you’ve had quite a few sex partners. What happened?” My heart sank. How am I supposed to tell this doctor that I had a manic episode after my client sexually assaulted me and I went on a sex spree? Or how I didn’t even know I was manic until I was sent to a psychiatrist? I simply just played it off and said “I had a wild sophomore year.” This doctor proceeded to ask me why and I said “I had a boring freshman year.” Doctor decides to follow up with saying her daughter is going to be a sophomore and then insinuated something along the lines of how she hopes she doesn’t do that and then did that “just kidding hahaha.” She also asked me if I could stop having so many sexual partners due to my condition.

Oh, I fail to mention during all of this the hot doctor had to do a biopsy. He did not give me the local anesthesia I asked for and he described it as a “pinch.” He yanked the first sample out and then did the second one. I felt so sick afterwards that I could not sit up. The room was spinning and I tried to focus on my breathing. They did my blood pressure again and it dropped from the initial 126 to 101 just from that procedure alone. I couldn’t get up for several minutes. The adorable nurse gave me a cold washcloth to put on my forehead. The sexy doctor said to me that it is okay and that this is common and not to feel bad.

Apparently, I lost so much blood and I had to find out after I had gotten up. They simply said “Oh you’re spotting” but, the blood covered half the table. It was the worst thing I had seen and I almost passed out again. I rushed to the cafeteria to get another snack to raise my blood sugar to help me not pass out.

I was livid after this procedure. It wasn’t the pain that was unbearable, it was the weakness I felt and how faint I was. Not to mention the embarrassment I felt when the doctor said what she did about my sex life.

And I have to wait for my results to come back.

It’s just…*sigh*




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