Current Update (Always Marilyn, Never Jackie)

Hey everyone,

I know I haven’t been up to date lately but, I just got back from vacation 2 days ago and the day after I landed, I had to go straight back to work.

So, current events: 

-Smokey confessed that he no longer was attracted to me. When I asked him why didn’t he tell me that after all the times I told him I liked him and he said he had hoped I got over it.

-2 other men have great interest in me. So, I’m not too worried on the sex end.

-I am surprisingly okay with Smokey not liking me in that way anymore. We are still great friends and have a similar sense of humor but, him not liking me in that way anymore was what severed the last string to any romantic ties between us. We mostly talk about music and our different views in politics. I tell him that I am so glad he doesn’t like me in that way anymore because now I feel much happier. I don’t know how he feels about that or how he feels about me mentioning another potential partner to him since he either responds with one word or leave it on read. *shrugs* Oh well. 

-I am back to working at the hospital. I need to learn how to develop thicker skin. I can’t being so sensitive. Also, the staff are way too friendly. I like to keep a professional distance especially wiyh the grown men. I will respect you and have your back, but please refrain from touching me for you barely know me.

-Also, the new guys seem really nice and I am excited but, I am tired. I am tired of not being someone’s first option. I am tired of not being even the second or third option. I am tired of being that person whose life that people think they can just come and go as they please. I am worth more than left over attention. I understand that they are busy especially if they have children. But, I don’t want to be a sexual vixen that has to be their dirty secret. I am not some walking nymphomaniac. I have.way more to offer. Yes, I am very open about how much and how often I enjoy sex. Yet, I can still engage an intellectual conversation.

I am tired of being a Marilyn. I want to be seen as Jackie.

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